The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
