you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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