watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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