I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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