If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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