we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
