woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
