Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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