Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
