There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
