I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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