why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
