so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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