On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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