Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
