I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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