... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
