I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
