He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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