Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Life is so much better after having sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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