Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I supernannyed him into submission
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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