First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
