Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
