I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
