If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
