Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
