I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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