Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
