you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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