I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
