and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
