I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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