I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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