Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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