I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
