I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
