My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
