My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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