saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
