if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
