k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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