apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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