my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
