A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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