you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
