Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
