I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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