I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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