I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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