bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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